Cracked.com – Cracked, or not?

Every now and then , I’ll reference a Cracked.com article in the Tech Thoughts Daily Net News column, under the sub-heading – Off Topic (Sort Of).

Today, for example:

Cracked: 5 Reasons You Should Be Scared of Google – You’d be hard-pressed to find a company more beloved than Google. And why not? They make the Internet easier to use, pamper their employees and foot the bill for YouTube even though it loses money like it’s got a gambling problem that’s made of cocaine. Unfortunately, much of what is awesome about Google also makes them increasingly terrifying with each passing day.

I sometimes wonder, if readers might consider me to be a little “cracked”, when I shine a spotlight on a tech article from a site which is noted for both its humor, and entertainment value.

That’s not an idle question. More than once, I’ve gotten a comment along the lines of – Hey, this is a tech blog – so stick to tech – we don’t need humor here. Funny (pun not intended   ), I’ve long held the view, that most people could use a hell of a lot more humor in their lives – a lot more. Why should it matter where it comes from?

Since readers can occasionally find a little humor here – turnabout seems like fair play. Why not then, refer readers to a humor site which often meshes technical expertise (believe it – these writers are good – very good), with  educational value – both of which are bolstered by spicy commentary. Spicy commentary, of course, is not to everyone’s taste – but, if it helps the medicine go down – then, I’m all for it.

Sad to say – virtually none of my non-techie friends subscribe to my blog – “too complicated”, “don’t understand a thing you’re saying” – are some of the more complimentary comments. More often than not, the comments are far less complimentary.  

Still, I feel that I have an obligation to continue to play the role of “tech guru”, for want of a better description. So, how to do that? If they won’t read me – for all the right reasons, I suppose – then how to hammer home the facts concerning, in this case, Google, as an example.

That’s where Cracked.com comes in. Perhaps not as scholarly an approach as main stream tech journals, but often I find – far more readable. If it helps my friends get their heads out of the clouds – if their view of Google goes from “Google is so cool” to a more realistic view, which might include – “Google is not so cool” – then, it’s met my criteria for an educational site – of a sort.

So, has it made a difference in helping me spark an interest, amongst my friends, in things technical – especially Internet security? To quote the unlovable ex-governor of Alaska – you betcha! So, thank you Cracked.com. You often help to get the message across when I can’t.

A Sunday Mind Teaser

My favorite Bus driver (and, good friend) Mike, was at it again this week with the usual comic email forwards – with the occasional naughty pic thrown in; to keep the interest up.  

Along with the usual, came a tough mind bender – which, I failed at miserably.

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common.

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Are you peeking, or have you already given up?

Give it another try…. Look at each word carefully. You’ll kick yourself when you discover the answer. This is so cool…..

No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters…. Let me know if you found the answer – I didn’t. Not even close.

Answer is below. No peaking!

Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well. You’ll feel better too – maybe.  

What Do You Think? – A Practical Example of How the Human Mind Works

 

A little bit of humor to get your day going. Like all good humor, there’s a grain of truth here.  

Analysis of the above picture can tell us a lot about how different people think.

– For young men, it’s a picture of a lady with a nice derriere but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street.

– The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

– For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman – with a nice tush – on her way to work.

– The perverts among them will imagine her naked.

– Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty and be grateful that they shared it.

– For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

– The other half will think she is a slut but wonder where she bought that blouse.

– Older women will imagine the misery that the woman’s curves will cause by the time she reaches 50.

– But only children, the extremely intelligent and the celibate, will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog.

A shoutout to my good buddy Mike for passing this on.

Try A Little Laughter

My good buddy Mike (my favorite Bus driver, don’t ya know), is a great one for sending me funny emails and, I must admit – they break up the day rather nicely. Trudging through malware samples, endless software testing…… well, you know the routine – often leaves me ready for a loud guffaw – or, two.

Test your funny bone, with a sampling of Mike’s recent forwards.

Montana Welcome Sign.

Your Technical skills  needed!

I’m sending this with hopes one of you will have the know-how to make this damn thing work!

If anyone of you electronic wizards knows how to connect a surround sound DVD/VCR,  please let me know.

My neighbor lady keeps asking me for help and my wife is complaining about all the time I’m spending over there.

I’m really struggling here!

Here’s a photo of what her set-up looks like…

Belgian Men’s Magazine Che –  gives a new dimension to babysitting. Click on the graphic to play video.

ALL GIRL BIKER BAR

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

Best Work Boot Commercial Ever. Click on graphic to play video.

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money come s with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’………….

I rarely post anything from the lighter side of life and, on the odd occasion that I have – it’s not unusual that I’ll get a comment, or two, demanding that I stick to the “serious” stuff. Go figure!  

Warning: Scam Against Older Men

Got this one from my buddy Mike – it should make you chuckle.

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Dec. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Jan.  1st, 3rd, & 4th, twice on the 7th and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

British Humor – The Queen Addresses Americans

Got the following from my buddy Mike (my favorite Bus driver, don’t ya know) and so, I can’t attribute the original author. I’ll be happy to correct that, on notice.

If you’re an American, please see this for what it is – a bit of a sendup, albeit, at your expense.  

———————————————————————————————-

To: The citizens of the United States of America.

From: Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

———————————————————————————————–

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’  Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters,  and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  (look up ‘vocabulary’).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of  ‘-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.  The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent.  Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.  If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.  Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.  At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.   Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.  Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips.  Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed, not with ketchup, but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.  New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.  They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them.  American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.  Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football.  There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders).  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.  It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.  You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK.  It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream)  when in season.

God Save the Queen!

—————————————————————————————————

My time away (such as it was), is almost over.     But, I wasn’t entirely in “relax, take it easy mode” these last few weeks (writing is strangely addictive – I find) and, I managed to crank out the following – done, in the hopper, ready to go.

Regular readers can expect to see the following in the next few weeks.

Opinion –

Kate Middleton – I Owe You One!

Who Knows Ya Baby! Um… Maybe Facebook?

My Lax Library – Seriously – Fraudulent Hotspot Certificates to Go

If You Won’t Read For Content – Get Off The Internet!

Work from Home Schemes – There Is No Upside

Does America OWN The Internet? – The US Government Seems To Think So

Reviews –

Search Engine Security……..

Menu Uninstaller Pro……

Eraser……….

CopyTrans Manager – The Perfect iTunes Replacement?

Computer MOT 1.4………..

SlimCleaner 2.0…………….

Need A Laugh? – World’s Funniest Student Analogies

Reading these student analogies/metaphors, will have you laughing your socks off. I found these “Annual English Teachers’ awards for best student metaphors/analogies” on Bill Gross’ Google+ page. Hilarious – definitely worth a read.

A quick taste:

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn’t.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

Read the rest here.

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Don Gunshot – The Hitman With A Heart e-Blackmail

I sometimes wonder if it isn’t a prerequisite that Nigerian scammer wannabes are required to graduate “comedy school”, before they get their scammers license and are set free to practice their newfound skills on the marginally intelligent.

In a new twist on an old theme (the infamous 419 scam), Nigerian scammers have upped the ante in a variant of their usual email scam nonsense – the hitman, “I’m gonna kill you” email. These fear-provoking emails (at least they’re intended to be scary), contain a threat that the recipient will be murdered by – are you ready for this – “Don Gunshot”.

But, Don is not your ordinary run-of-the-mill “I’m gonna blast ya out of your shoes” hitman. No, Don it seems, has a big heart. For a measly $5000, Don will take you off the list of his current projects. Just in case you might think that Don is no gentleman, he’s gone the extra mile and politely signed off on the email, with a kindly – Regard(s). Too funny!

Hitman emails are not a new threat – they’ve  been circulating on the Internet since at least early in 2007. They come; they go, and come and go again.

So it’s hardly surprising to see that Symantec has just identified a new wave of hitman emails currently making the rounds. Although there are many variations of this email, here’s one example:

Click graphic to expand to original size.

Graphic courtesy of Symantec.

On a more serious note:

Don’t act fast as Don suggests. Don’t send $5000. Do contact the Police – this an attempt at extortion.

This scam illustrates the lengths to which these crooks will go to entrap the unwary and gullible. Unfortunately, the description “unwary and gullible”, is easily applied to substantial numbers of Internet users.

As an experienced and cautious Internet user, it’s safe to say that you will not be deceived by this type of clumsy attempt to defraud but, you might be surprised how often reasonably intelligent people are.

So, be kind to your friends, relatives, and associates, particularly those who are new Internet users, and let them know that there is an epidemic of 419 scams on the Internet. In doing so, you help raise the level of protection for all of us.

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Why Comment Spammers Shouldn’t Use Google Translate

Comment spam has the potential to be dangerous – if it’s allowed to be blindly posted. I’ve written a number of articles dealing with the hows/whys of comment spam in the past, so I won’t belabor the point. If you wish you can checkout – Comment Spam Is Dangerous BS!

By its very nature, comment spam is a pain in the ass – but, I have to admit – there are those rare moments when I get my morning coffee up my nose, when the unintentional humor of a spam comment catches me unaware.

The following comment on Close Security Holes In Windows With Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer,  from a Chinese spammer (juangonzaloangel), caused one of those “coffee up my nose” moments. I’ve deleted the web links hidden in the comment.

Undeniably think for which you suggested. The best good reason were via the internet easy and simple matter to find out. I say to you, My spouse and i surely have irritated when people take into consideration anxieties they accomplish never understand. Anyone was able to click all the toe nail with the top part in addition to explained out of whole thing without needing unwanted effect , persons could take an indication. Will probably be time for read more. Bless you.

Not to put to fine a point on it – this is a major Google Translate FAIL. One would think, that if a spammer went to all the trouble of writing a complex spam comment, he’d a least get it right.  But hey, it did accomplish something positive – I started my day with a great big laugh. 

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Malware Speaks! Please Listen

If malware could speak, what a tale his thoughts could tell.

If you could have a conversation with one, or more, of the scourges that infest the Internet, you might be surprised at what could be learned from such an imaginary conversation. It might go something like this:

I might be malware, but in most cases I’m pretty polite; I won’t infect your computer unless you invite me in. But I can count on lots of you doing just that.

Take my good buddy LOP, for example, he’s been away for awhile, but he recently came back from vacation and he’s now infecting unsuspecting computer users’ machines with renewed vigor. Since LOP is a shift changer, and is often incompletely recognized by many tools – particularly newer forms of the infection, he’s having a hell of a good time.

The people he works for (some might call them cybercrooks – well, actually everyone calls them cybercrooks), are experts at convincing you to install malicious code like LOP.

LOP is a pretty neat piece of malware (his employers are pretty smart fellows), since he’s been designed, amongst other things, to display ads from a range of advertisers through pop-up windows, banner ads and so on.

Oh, and he’ll automatically switch your Internet Explorer home page to his own search engine. One he particularly likes is http://www.mp3search.com. When searches are made with this engine, the results that you see will be advertising pages that LOP chooses to display.

(Sample misdirected search)

Here’s what WOT has to say about mp3search.com. Click on the graphic to expand the image.

Just in case you decide that LOP is no longer welcome on your computer (that happens all the time), he will connect, every so often, to a web page from which new malware files will be downloaded – making it much more difficult to delete all of the active malicious files on your system.

I should tell you that LOP is extremely hard to get rid of, and just in case you try, you’ll have to deal with over 200+ changes to your Registry Keys. And in case that’s not enough bad news, you should know that LOP will invite lots of his malware friends over, so that they can party on your system.

But LOP has even more tricks up his sleeve. He can  monitor your system’s processes, and can even play with your security applications making them ineffective.

Since he’s a sporty fellow, once he’s done that, he’ll launch a Keylogger to capture your key strokes and just for fun, he’ll go on to scan your email contact list so that he can bug your friends. Hmm, maybe they’ll soon to be your ex friends.

LOP is definitely a hard worker (which is why his employers like him so much), so in his spare time he’s going to look around your operating system for vulnerabilities. You see, he knows that most people, haven’t installed the latest operating system updates, nor have they updated their security applications, like their supposed to.

Even if they have taken care of updating their operating system, it’s almost certain that they haven’t updated installed productivity applications, and LOP knows just how vulnerable these applications can be.

So, think carefully before you offer LOP, or any of his malware friends, that invitation. Once invited in, LOP will settle in for a long, long visit.

Thanks for the chat, but I have to get going. There are lots of unaware Internet users’ waiting to invite me into their computers. I know that many Internet users’ are kind of “click crazy”; so why should LOP be the only one to have some fun!

Oh, by the way, unless you paid attention to what I said, I’ll probably drop by your machine soon. You have a good day now.

This is an edited and revised copy of an article originally posted here July 14, 2009.

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