Category Archives: Humor

Cracked.com – Cracked, or not?

imageEvery now and then , I’ll reference a Cracked.com article in the Tech Thoughts Daily Net News column, under the sub-heading – Off Topic (Sort Of).

Today, for example:

Cracked: 5 Reasons You Should Be Scared of Google – You’d be hard-pressed to find a company more beloved than Google. And why not? They make the Internet easier to use, pamper their employees and foot the bill for YouTube even though it loses money like it’s got a gambling problem that’s made of cocaine. Unfortunately, much of what is awesome about Google also makes them increasingly terrifying with each passing day.

I sometimes wonder, if readers might consider me to be a little “cracked”, when I shine a spotlight on a tech article from a site which is noted for both its humor, and entertainment value.

That’s not an idle question. More than once, I’ve gotten a comment along the lines of – Hey, this is a tech blog – so stick to tech – we don’t need humor here. Funny (pun not intended   Smile ), I’ve long held the view, that most people could use a hell of a lot more humor in their lives – a lot more. Why should it matter where it comes from?

Since readers can occasionally find a little humor here – turnabout seems like fair play. Why not then, refer readers to a humor site which often meshes technical expertise (believe it – these writers are good – very good), with  educational value – both of which are bolstered by spicy commentary. Spicy commentary, of course, is not to everyone’s taste – but, if it helps the medicine go down – then, I’m all for it.

Sad to say – virtually none of my non-techie friends subscribe to my blog – “too complicated”, “don’t understand a thing you’re saying” – are some of the more complimentary comments. More often than not, the comments are far less complimentary.   Smile

Still, I feel that I have an obligation to continue to play the role of “tech guru”, for want of a better description. So, how to do that? If they won’t read me – for all the right reasons, I suppose – then how to hammer home the facts concerning, in this case, Google, as an example.

That’s where Cracked.com comes in. Perhaps not as scholarly an approach as main stream tech journals, but often I find – far more readable. If it helps my friends get their heads out of the clouds – if their view of Google goes from “Google is so cool” to a more realistic view, which might include – “Google is not so cool” – then, it’s met my criteria for an educational site – of a sort.

So, has it made a difference in helping me spark an interest, amongst my friends, in things technical – especially Internet security? To quote the unlovable ex-governor of Alaska – you betcha! So, thank you Cracked.com. You often help to get the message across when I can’t.

12 Comments

Filed under Humor, Opinion

A Sunday Mind Teaser

imageMy favorite Bus driver (and, good friend) Mike, was at it again this week with the usual comic email forwards – with the occasional naughty pic thrown in; to keep the interest up.   Smile

Along with the usual, came a tough mind bender – which, I failed at miserably.

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common.

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Are you peeking, or have you already given up?

Give it another try…. Look at each word carefully. You’ll kick yourself when you discover the answer. This is so cool…..

No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters…. Let me know if you found the answer – I didn’t. Not even close.

Answer is below. No peaking!

Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well. You’ll feel better too – maybe.   Smile

11 Comments

Filed under Humor

What Do You Think? – A Practical Example of How the Human Mind Works

 

A little bit of humor to get your day going. Like all good humor, there’s a grain of truth here.   Smile

image

Analysis of the above picture can tell us a lot about how different people think.

– For young men, it’s a picture of a lady with a nice derriere but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street.

– The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

– For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman – with a nice tush – on her way to work.

– The perverts among them will imagine her naked.

– Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty and be grateful that they shared it.

– For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

– The other half will think she is a slut but wonder where she bought that blouse.

– Older women will imagine the misery that the woman’s curves will cause by the time she reaches 50.

– But only children, the extremely intelligent and the celibate, will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog.

A shoutout to my good buddy Mike for passing this on.

29 Comments

Filed under Humor, Personal Perspective

Try A Little Laughter

imageMy good buddy Mike (my favorite Bus driver, don’t ya know), is a great one for sending me funny emails and, I must admit – they break up the day rather nicely. Trudging through malware samples, endless software testing…… well, you know the routine – often leaves me ready for a loud guffaw – or, two.

Test your funny bone, with a sampling of Mike’s recent forwards.

Montana Welcome Sign.

image

Your Technical skills  needed!

I’m sending this with hopes one of you will have the know-how to make this damn thing work!

image

If anyone of you electronic wizards knows how to connect a surround sound DVD/VCR,  please let me know.

My neighbor lady keeps asking me for help and my wife is complaining about all the time I’m spending over there.

I’m really struggling here!

Here’s a photo of what her set-up looks like…

image

Belgian Men’s Magazine Che –  gives a new dimension to babysitting. Click on the graphic to play video.

image

ALL GIRL BIKER BAR

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

Best Work Boot Commercial Ever. Click on graphic to play video.

image

imageYou have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money come s with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’………….

I rarely post anything from the lighter side of life and, on the odd occasion that I have – it’s not unusual that I’ll get a comment, or two, demanding that I stick to the “serious” stuff. Go figure!   Smile

10 Comments

Filed under Humor

Warning: Scam Against Older Men

Got this one from my buddy Mike – it should make you chuckle.

imageWomen often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Dec. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Jan.  1st, 3rd, & 4th, twice on the 7th and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

23 Comments

Filed under Humor

British Humor – The Queen Addresses Americans

imageGot the following from my buddy Mike (my favorite Bus driver, don’t ya know) and so, I can’t attribute the original author. I’ll be happy to correct that, on notice.

If you’re an American, please see this for what it is – a bit of a sendup, albeit, at your expense.   Smile

———————————————————————————————-

To: The citizens of the United States of America.

From: Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

———————————————————————————————–

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’  Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters,  and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  (look up ‘vocabulary’).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of  ‘-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.  The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent.  Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.  If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.  Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.  At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.   Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.  Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips.  Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed, not with ketchup, but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.  New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.  They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them.  American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.  Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football.  There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders).  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.  It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.  You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK.  It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream)  when in season.

God Save the Queen!

—————————————————————————————————

My time away (such as it was), is almost over.   Sad smile  But, I wasn’t entirely in “relax, take it easy mode” these last few weeks (writing is strangely addictive – I find) and, I managed to crank out the following – done, in the hopper, ready to go.

Regular readers can expect to see the following in the next few weeks.

Opinion –

Kate Middleton – I Owe You One!

Who Knows Ya Baby! Um… Maybe Facebook?

My Lax Library – Seriously – Fraudulent Hotspot Certificates to Go

If You Won’t Read For Content – Get Off The Internet!

Work from Home Schemes – There Is No Upside

Does America OWN The Internet? – The US Government Seems To Think So

Reviews –

Search Engine Security……..

Menu Uninstaller Pro……

Eraser……….

CopyTrans Manager – The Perfect iTunes Replacement?

Computer MOT 1.4………..

SlimCleaner 2.0…………….

11 Comments

Filed under Humor, Just for Laughs

Need A Laugh? – World’s Funniest Student Analogies

imageReading these student analogies/metaphors, will have you laughing your socks off. I found these “Annual English Teachers’ awards for best student metaphors/analogies” on Bill Gross’ Google+ page. Hilarious – definitely worth a read.

A quick taste:

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn’t.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

Read the rest here.

If you found this article useful, why not subscribe to this Blog via RSS, or email? It’s easy; just click on this link and you’ll never miss another Tech Thoughts article.

4 Comments

Filed under Humor